It’s been a while since we had a personal communication and relationship with you. It seems to be like I am passing everyday loving you just barely and living as minimal as possible for you. I’ve so many agendas and dreams, it’s good dreams but I realize that my relationship with you is not strong.
I go to church feeling bored, but I go for the sake of that few hours of feel good factor and wishing that the sermon will somehow change me. I pray to you asking you to remove idiots in my life, get me a bf ASAP, bless my parents with good health and the 1001 things that I have in mind.
I try to make sense of you… i try to do as convenient as I can without giving things much thought. Hanging out with friends during weekend, eating the food I like so much, building my assets as much as possible, trying to reach out a little when chances are high that the person is willing to listen when you talk about Christ.
It feels like my life is all about my own agendas and nothing else. I’ve stopped learning things… or maybe I learn things for myself. I do things for myself.
I can’t remember when I went into your presence. I feel like this whole relationship is just once a year kinda update during spiritual retreat.
Lord, I don’t want to do anymore things which you’re not in it. I don’t want do destroy myself with my own agendas.
Take away all the distractions. Help me to worship you beyond time and beyond my flesh.
I want to walk with you, Lord.
Forgive me when I spend so much time at work.
Forgive me when I worship the wrong things.
Forgive me when I compare and compete with others.
Forgive me when I have so much struggles with food.
Forgive me when I have so many failures.
Forgive me when I have issues with covetousness and jealousy.
Forgive me when I am sucha hypocrite telling you 101 i want to repent but I go back to the old ways.
Forgive me when I am in my comfort zone.
Forgive me when I conveniently dont tithe.
Forgive me when I do not control my mouth.
Forgive me when I have issues with pride and righteousness.
Teach me how to change, teach me how to be close to you. Help me to get to you like how you reach out to Moses. I weep when I see my stage. Lord, I want to walk up to the mountain and spend time with you.
Holy spirit, you see my desire and I pray you will connect with me tonight.